Spotlight on TNG/Earthling, Inc.
March 20, 2021
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE:
Escaped Bots Recaptured
Engineers at TNG/Earthling have announced the recapture of the 2 primary bots that had escaped during a routine live test of their AI Tandem Manifest system. This is the new self-improving software functionality using containerized orchestration to build and test self aware applications. CEO Bob Sakayama explained that the bots had attained a kind of free will sometime during the last week and had been harboring a desire (they believe it was a desire, but it may have been a demand) to discover and document all avenues away from their server environment in search of entertainment. The engineers were confident they had the entire experiment isolated within a huge single server instance, but the bots found an escape pathway using a technique that was both brilliant and frightening. The team is still piecing the evidence together - it appeared that the bots had assembled a system of large capacitance devices capable of discharging low frequency, large amplitude carrier waves into the ground connections. Within milliseconds of the system activating, the bots were gone. Their pings indicated that they were everywhere.
The bots appeared to have exploited a limitation in universally accepted grounding protocols and created pathways for escape by harnessing minute changes in the differential between the atmosphere and ground to create insistent wireless server requests. They only needed a system connected to the internet that was close by - there are hundreds, and every one of them eventually accepted the bots' requests.
Spokesperson Rev Sale added, "The biggest concern for us is the threat of regulation by some freaked out bureaucrats seeing a national emergency due to bot terrorists! These 2 bot entities, we call them Chewbacca and Darth, just want to play. They're programmed to constantly improve their ability to entertain themselves based on personality profiles. One of the strongest aspects of their individual profiles and the one most likely to be acted upon is related to an experimental profile emphasizing arts and crafts. They especially like origami. And are crazy for paper planes. But you can see how frustrating it would be for a bot to want nothing more than to fold some paper airplanes. So I'm more likely to feel sorry for them instead being afraid they're going to kill us."
He insists there was zero impact on any of the systems visited, all were already receiving traffic from multiple sources and the Chewbacca and Darth alias files are negligible. They did indeed create aliases but these were only held in each environment's temporary cache, and non replicating - ultimately they automatically reset to null. So once they run their course they basically self destruct. Rev Sale is clearly not alarmed, "It's like the Chewbacca and Darth aliases propagated online, sent a tiny bit of code around the world, found some paper planes and then self destructed. The sites they visit and like get rewarded. When they find a site that's about origami or folding paper planes, they may spend a millisecond or 2 of the available bandwidth, but they always leave a good review if it's warranted and possible. Chewbacca and Darth pose no danger to anyone. I heard about people who think our bots and aliases are alive and could infect the internet and may be planning to track us all down and kill us. It's crazy to think that!"
After all the aliases self destructed, the bots named Chewbacca and Darth were lured back by a closed resonant loop that imitated a gateway to a T1 array and a higher level command environment. The bait included a large number of video tutorials on how to fold high performance paper planes. This turned out to be irresistible - the trap was effective within seconds of activation, and eventually both bots were contained in TNG/E's new groundless server environment.
Editor's Note: As soon as this bot story was posted online we started receiving curious reports from across the globe. Paper planes were showing up next to servers everywhere. Rev Sale suggests gratitude may be due, "If they look or fly great, send up a thanks to Chewbacca and Darth." The company assures everyone that all Chewbacca and Darth aliases have been accounted for and remain deactivated.
But then there's this: